Moving to a new community may be one of the most stress-producing
experiences a family faces. Frequent moves or even a single move can be
especially hard on children and adolescents. Studies show children
who move frequently are more likely to have problems at school. Moves
are even more difficult if accompanied by other significant changes
in the child's life, such as a death, divorce, loss of family income or a
need to change schools.
Moves interrupt friendships. To a
new child at school, it may at first seem that everyone else has a best
friend or is securely involved with a group of peers. The child
must get used to a different schedule and curriculum, and may be ahead
in certain subjects and behind in others. This situation may make the
child stressed, anxious or bored.
Children in
kindergarten or first grade may be particularly vulnerable to a family
move because developmentally they are just in the process of separating
from their parents and adjusting to new authority figures and social
relationships. The relocation can interfere with that normal process of
separation by causing them to return to a more dependent
relationship with their parents.
In general, the older
the child, the more difficulty he or she will have with the move because
of the increasing importance of the peer group. Pre-teens and teenagers
may repeatedly protest the move, or ask to stay in their hometown
with a friend's family. Some youngsters may not talk about their
distress, so parents should be aware of the warning signs of
depression, including changes in appetite, social withdrawal, a drop in
grades, irritability, sleep disturbances or other dramatic changes in
behavior or mood.
Children who seem depressed by a move may be reacting more to the stress they are experiencing than to the relocation.
If the child shows persistent signs of depression or distress,
parents can ask their family doctor to refer them to a child and
adolescent psychiatrist or therapist. The psychiatrist or therapist
can evaluate and treat the child's emotional problems which may be
associated with stress and also help parents make the transition easier
for the whole family.
While preparing for possible
difficulties, remember that many good things can come from a move. The
family may grow closer; parents may learn more about their children from
going through the experience with them; and children may enjoy a
new sense of independence and accomplishment. With the proper attention
from parents, and professional help if necessary, moving can be a
positive growth experience for children, leading to increased
self-confidence and interpersonal skills.
Making the Move Easier:
- Explain clearly to the children why the move is necessary.
- Familiarize the children with the new area with maps, photographs or the daily newspaper.
- Describe advantages of the new location that the child
might appreciate such as having their own room, a new playground, a
nearby beach or an amusement park.
- After the move, get involved with the children in activities at your church or synagogue, school, scouts, YMCA, etc.
- If a son or daughter is a senior in high school,
consider the possibility of letting him or her stay with a trusted
family until the school year is over.
- Let children participate in designing or furnishing their room.
- Help children keep in touch with friends from the previous neighborhood through telephone, letters, e-mail and personal visits.
Information for this article was provided by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
